The Colonel’s Lady by William Somerset Maugham - - one of my favorite writers, author of Rain https://realinibarzoi.blogspot.com/2024/06/rain-by-william-somerset-maugham-i-have.html and other fabulous stories - 10 out of 10

 

The Colonel’s Lady by William Somerset Maugham - - one of my favorite writers, author of Rain https://realinibarzoi.blogspot.com/2024/06/rain-by-william-somerset-maugham-i-have.html and other fabulous stories

 

10 out of 10

 

The Colonel’s Wife is not just a mesmerizing tale – all the works of Somerset Maugham are for yours truly – but it is also somehow feminist, and let me be ‘the one telling you how it is’, just like Chili Palmer in Get Shorty https://realini.blogspot.com/2020/04/get-shorty-by-elmore-leonard-aka.html and I am joking, evidently

 

Nevertheless, what we have here is a man, the colonel from the title, who is made to look ludicrous, with his retrograde (but almost fully embraced at the time, some one hundred, or maybe one hundred and fifty years ago) views, he is convinced that there are (most, or all) things that men can do, but women are prohibited

It all starts when he sees his wife, Eva Peregrine, receiving a package, which contain a number of books, all the same, written by Eva Katherine Hamilton, which was his spouse’s maiden name, for they are her work, and when the colonel asks about the cost of having them made, she says she sent the manuscript to an editor…

 

And he had it published, furthermore, this is a success, it sells as if it were a novel, and not just a collection of poems, most in blank verse, the husband is asked about the book, and he expresses some positive opinion, however, it is not his cup of tea, and has not really looked into it with interest, at least until sometime later…

He is the epitome of the country squire – as I saw him, and up to a point, which comes strait out of another favorite magician of mine, Evelyn Waugh https://realini.blogspot.com/2018/07/scoop-by-evelyn-waugh-adapted-for-bbc.html has this character, Lord Copper, who owns a newspaper, The Daily Beast

 

When Lord Copper asks a question, he tends to get two answers, one is definitely, for a truthful reply, and another, ‘up to a point Lord Copper’ is used for what members of the cult of Orange Jesus in America call ‘alternative facts’, or people with common sense see as plain lies – so back to the Colonel now…

He hunts, enjoys the perfect home – he will wonder at some stage what would he do without Eve, who keeps the house for him, no trouble with servants or anything – but finds the spouse dull, unattractive, and hence he keeps a mistress, Daphne, and travels to London to have coitus with her, go out for lunch and enjoy his status

It is Daphne who asks if ‘his wife is the one everybody talks about, the writer of that acclaimed book’, she knows this critic, who said that it is a wonderful accomplishment, he wrote an elated review, and Eve thanked it for it, and readers are enchanted, so is the man in the book shop that gives the husband some details

 

Even the most prominent aristocrat in their area is thrilled, he asks Geroge Peregrine about his wife not coming to a party they invited her to, and then she will say that they did not invite the husband along, so she refused, however, people are talking about the affair that the poet has had with a much younger man…

She will be published in America, and they want her photograph, which is puzzling the colonel, who sees her as passee, she has lost her charm, but wait, she did not have any charm, even years ago, not to him anyway, which brings me to another one of the many flaws and shortcomings of this man, who did not see value where somebody else venerated it

 

And now that few, if any are still on this page, I can make the parallel with myself, in that I have not appreciated my spouse enough (not even now actually) and tend to see that she is not fair, leaves me at home with these two macaws that I have to care for all day long, in about ten days she leaves for Amsterdam…

And for three full days I will baby sit these noisy, overwhelming babies…you see, that is what I do, complain, just like that damn colonel, who has an affair (I do not, per se, but I use sex workers instead) but does not see that the woman has the same rights, and that was rather the rule back then, so we have to see him in perspective

 

This brings to mind The Coolidge Effect, named after an anecdote involving the American president of that name, who went to a farm with his wife, and she asked about this rooster, who jumped on hens, how many times does he do that, the answer being maybe some fifty times per day (or maybe hour?) so she said…

Tell that to Mr. President, who, upon finding out, asked in his turn if it is the always the same hen, to which the reply was no, it is always a different one, ergo The Effect that has his name, and which explains in part, the attitude of Colonel Peregrine, who saw himself as free to have an extra marital affair, all the same inappropriate for the spouse

 

He even sees the lawyer who is also a friend, and a shooting partner, to consult him over the matter of this love of the wife, asking if he knows who the man was, the friend has no idea, but is of the opinion that there is nothing to do about it, after all, the much younger man is dead now, and what will be the point

You only confront Eve with this, if you want her to leave you, because that is what she will do, and the frustrated husband sees that he does not want to do that, indeed, he does not know what he could do without her…

 

Now for my standard closing of the note with a question, and invitation – maybe you have a good idea on how we could make more than a million dollars with this http://realini.blogspot.com/2022/02/unique-in-world.html?q=unique+in+the+world – as it is, this is a unique technique, which we could promote, sell, open the Oscars show with or something and then make lots of money together, if you have the how, I have the product, I just do not know how to get the befits from it, other than the exercise per se

 

 There is also the small matter of working for AT&T – this huge company asked me to be its Representative for Romania and Bulgaria, on the Calling Card side, which meant sailing into the Black Sea wo meet the US Navy ships, travelling to Sofia, a lot of activity, using my mother’s two bedrooms flat as office and warehouse, all for the grand total of $250, raised after a lot of persuasion to the staggering $400…with retirement ahead, there are no benefits, nothing…it is a longer story, but if you can help get the mastodont to pay some dues, or have an idea how it can happen, let me know

 

As for my role in the Revolution that killed Ceausescu, a smaller Mao, there it is http://realini.blogspot.com/2022/03/realini-in-newsweek-participant-in.html

 

Some favorite quotes from To The Hermitage and other works

 

‘Fiction is infinitely preferable to real life...As long as you avoid the books of Kafka or Beckett, the everlasting plot of fiction has fewer futile experiences than the careless plot of reality...Fiction's people are fuller, deeper, cleverer, more moving than those in real life…Its actions are more intricate, illuminating, noble, profound…There are many more dramas, climaxes, romantic fulfillment, twists, turns, gratified resolutions…Unlike reality, all of this you can experience without leaving the house or even getting out of bed…What's more, books are a form of intelligent human greatness, as stories are a higher order of sense…As random life is to destiny, so stories are to great authors, who provided us with some of the highest pleasures and the most wonderful mystifications we can find…Few stories are greater than Anna Karenina, that wise epic by an often foolish author…’

 

‚Parturiunt montes, nascetur ridiculus mus’

 

“From Monty Python - The Meaning of Life...Well, it's nothing very special...Try and be nice to people, avoid eating fat, read a good book every now and then, get some walking in, and try and live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations.”