On Friendship by Michel de Montaigne The Essays of Montaigne https://realinibarzoi.blogspot.com/2024/01/the-essays-of-michel-de-montaigne-on.html are on The Best 100 Books of All Time, according to the luminaries of our time, asked to name the masterpieces by The Norwegian Book Clubs - 10 out of 10

 

On Friendship by Michel de Montaigne The Essays of Montaigne https://realinibarzoi.blogspot.com/2024/01/the-essays-of-michel-de-montaigne-on.html are on The Best 100 Books of All Time, according to the luminaries of our time, asked to name the masterpieces by The Norwegian Book Clubs

10 out of 10

 

 

The glorious Michel de Montaigne writes about important themes, in 1344 pages or so he does consider everything under the sun (just joking), and we can learn how to live, behave, what to avoid, and so much more, albeit he does seem retrograde on some matters, which makes sense, if we consider the first volume was published in 1580

 

Speaking of Friends, for instance, the Magister Ludi appears (or really does put it literally) to say that women do not have the same capacity, and he was dead wrong, if that was the gist of it, for women have an EQ that is actually better than men’s, on the whole, they have been in the caves, while men were hunting, in prehistory

In the marvelous 50 Psychology Classics https://realini.blogspot.com/2022/11/50-psychology-classics-by-tom-butler.html we find what various classics say, just like the title makes clear, and in one of them, the part of the brain associated with Emotional Intelligence is something like the Chicago airport, compared with a small airfield in a village, for women and men respectively, probably because of that different situation tens of thousands of years ago

 

While men went on to hunt and get better at orientation, in the distant future, at parking cars, women would stay behind with the children and other mothers, communicating better, building much better communication skills overall…alas, they are still far outnumbered at the top of companies, in politics, in most of the world

One important aspect is shared between Michel de Montaigne and Thomas Mann, the latter is also one of the greatest writers – his Magic Mountain https://realini.blogspot.com/2021/09/the-magic-mountain-is-classic-that.html is on the aforementioned list of Top 100 Best Books of All Time – the two great minds see friendship in the same way

 

We have connections with various people, but to be acquainted is not the same as being friends, and we have to choose well, positive psychology research has demonstrated that the happiest people have in common not a big fortune, but close ties with family and friends, therefore it is of paramount importance to have the proper mates

Thomas Mann warns his readers of the perils associated with exaggerating the status of our relationships, one personage in a short story of his is outraged by the ease with which humans say ‘I love you so much, there are no words to describe my adoration’, when in fact, we find love and friends only in art, not in reality

 

Indeed, I had the chance to experience one such gap between what I thought and what was real, some weeks back, at the Downtown Club, where there are some men that form a group of ‘buddies’, one, The Dragon, seemed to be a sort of friend, seeing that we know each other for ten years (approximately, I am not sure anymore)

One morning, he mentioned something about a bottle that I have left in the locker room, and when I went out of the sauna, where we had talked, I checked and saw that there was nothing of mine, the object was alien and went to the door of the hot place to show it, and explain, only this was soon impossible…

 

A young ruffian, later to be identified as a Turk (which somehow makes his rudeness worse, or my exposed nationalism uglier, because as a guest in a land, and a much newer member of the club, juvenile versus the seniors inside, he should show more deference, gentleness, and respect) shouted at me to…keep quiet!

To make matters worse, the one I had thought of as a friend, told me to be silent as well, something he would later explain as obeyance to the rule – checking with the reception desk, they said there is no such limitation, but The Dragon insists that it is what they observe in civilized places, Germany and other, only we are far from those realms

 

Ergo, it came as a startling demonstration that one of the only three or five fellows that I thought were close, is in fact ready to give precedence, to care more for just any hoi polloi, a stranger was more important than the old pal…this presumed friend is not guilty, not much, he has an entourage that is massive

If he has much more in common with those others, why would he favor some common personage, so it was a question of ‘too high expectations’, besides, this is the way he is, which is prejudicial to himself, primarily, for he encourages some strangers of little, or no value and hence there are moments when that costs

 

Moreover, there is the classic Flow https://realini.blogspot.com/2016/10/flow-by-mihaly-csikszentmihalyi-this-is.html by the co-founder of positive psychology, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, which looks at the conditions for Being in The Zone, Maximum Experience, what Hindus would call Nirvana, the top of the world

There are some ingredients that are sine qua non – being in control, autotelic, clear goals, nothing else matters, time becomes fluid (search for the Albert Einstein quote on the hour with the girl and the minute with the hand on the stove, to get a better feeling), challenges meet skills, feedback is constant during the event

With friends, all those conditions could be met, but if we are in the company of ferocious aliens, intruders determined to insult, harass, impose their will, then none of the above could be assured, and instead of Flow, we get into the abyss of fury, and need to remember The Buddha ‘if you keep the coals of anger to throw on the foe, you burn your hands’

 

Now for my standard closing of the note with a question, and invitation – maybe you have a good idea on how we could make more than a million dollars with this http://realini.blogspot.com/2022/02/unique-in-world.html?q=unique+in+the+world  – as it is, this is a unique technique, which we could promote, sell, open the Oscars show with or something and then make lots of money together, if you have the how, I have the product, I just do not know how to get the befits from it, other than the exercise per se

 

 There is also the small matter of working for AT&T – this huge company asked me to be its Representative for Romania and Bulgaria, on the Calling Card side, which meant sailing into the Black Sea wo meet the US Navy ships, travelling to Sofia, a lot of activity, using my mother’s two bedrooms flat as office and warehouse, all for the grand total of $250, raised after a lot of persuasion to the staggering $400…with retirement ahead, there are no benefits, nothing…it is a longer story, but if you can help get the mastodont to pay some dues, or have an idea how it can happen, let me know

 

As for my role in the Revolution that killed Ceausescu, a smaller Mao, there it is http://realini.blogspot.com/2022/03/realini-in-newsweek-participant-in.html

 

Some favorite quotes from To The Heritage and other works

 

‘Fiction is infinitely preferable to real life...As long as you avoid the books of Kafka or Beckett, the everlasting plot of fiction has fewer futile experiences than the careless plot of reality...Fiction's people are fuller, deeper, cleverer, more moving than those in real life…Its actions are more intricate, illuminating, noble, profound…There are many more dramas, climaxes, romantic fulfillment, twists, turns, gratified resolutions…Unlike reality, all of this you can experience without leaving the house or even getting out of bed…What's more, books are a form of intelligent human greatness, as stories are a higher order of sense…As random life is to destiny, so stories are to great authors, who provided us with some of the highest pleasures and the most wonderful mystifications we can find…Few stories are greater than Anna Karenina, that wise epic by an often foolish author…’

 

‚Parturiunt montes, nascetur ridiculus mus’

 

“From Monty Python - The Meaning of Life...Well, it's nothing very special...Try and be nice to people, avoid eating fat, read a good book every now and then, get some walking in, and try and live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations.”