The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work by John Gottman - Excellent and very useful for anyone in a relationship, which just about covers everybody

 The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work by John Gottman


Excellent and very useful for anyone in a relationship, which just about covers everybody

 

This is one of the classics of psychology.

John Gottman has become extremely famous for his ability to predict if a couple would stay together or separate.

And the rate of accuracy is amazing at over 90 % or around 95, if I am not mistaken, with only a few minutes of conversation needed.

He is mentioned in various other works by established, acclaimed authors from Daniel Kahneman to Tal Ben Shahar.

Having said that I must confess that there have been large portions of the book where I did not fall asleep, but did not enjoy much either.

Which would only go on to prove how unserious is my approach to my marital problems and shortcomings.

There have been places which simply do not apply anymore and a certain detachment is in order, but this is not all.

Apart from the passages on baby care, which will no longer be necessary to handle- I think- there is advice on dealing with in-laws.

My wife- who I hope will not read this, even if she sometimes happens upon the most obscure conversation I have- does not talk to her mother.

So I do not have the issue of improving my own relations with that feared figure –the mother-in-law and the father is dead.

There are some very good suggestions that we should all apply in our relationships and they make excellent sense.

The first principle for instance is called

1.       Enhance your love maps

And what you need to do appears simple, starting with getting to know your partner not just better but in detail.

Here I was baffled by the test which we are supposed to take to see how well we know the spouse and which I think I would fail.

But then I would not be able to complete it for myself- I am not sure what my favorite song or movie is.

Of course, I could name a few bands and songs- Depeche Mode comes to mind- and I know that Silvia liked Nirvana-

-          Does she think they are still great?

-          I do not know

And there are some aspects I have an idea about, but I am hazy about who makes her mad among relatives…but then I am not sure about my own stand in some of those issues.

The bottom line is that I am not that good at this game and many of the suggestions made for difficult reading.

For I know that I will not apply in practice and it is kind of late for many of the romantic tips that are offered inside.

But many of the conclusions are perfect and need to be put in practice, especially since they are included in other classics.

The magic formula that keeps showing up in almost all the other positive psychology masterpieces is

-          Be grateful for what you have

-          And I would add do not compare yourself with others.

Applied to a relationship and in particular marriage it comes down to –at least in my surely distorted perception-

-          Be happy with the partner you have and try to see his or her good sides- if there are any-in my case, as I just received a scolding I am tempted to joke and say- hard to find the good points, until she reads these lines and I will see the silver lining of the Wrath of Thor

-          Then consider this absolute truth:

-          No matter who you marry or convince to become your romantic partner, there will be sides that you do not like

Nobody is perfect, even if I used to think about myself that I am so awesome- like Barny from How I Met Your Mother

Comentarii

Trimiteți un comentariu

Postări populare de pe acest blog

Epistolary edited by Gabriel Liiceanu http://realini.blogspot.com/2021/11/50-minutes-with-plesu-and-liiceanu-10.html - 10 out of 10

  Epistolary edited by Gabriel Liiceanu http://realini.blogspot.com/2021/11/50-minutes-with-plesu-and-liiceanu-10.html 10 out of 10     This wonderful book contains letters exchanged between the brightest minds we have in this realm – there is the exception of Eugen Simion, the late president of the Academy here, a rather horrid attack on luminaries that were so much wiser than this fellow, who came to lead a forum that should be only for the crème de la crème, yet, his presence at the top in fact reveals the ‘values’ that have reached what should be the chamber of the nec plus ultra – and as such, much of what is being debated is quite inaccessible   Ergo, the spoiler alert, warning, disclaimer, and maybe the way out of accusations of spam – one of the notes I have posted on Goodreads, Cleo From 5 to 7 http://realini.blogspot.com/2023/07/cleo-from-5-to-7-aka-cleo-de-5-7-by.html has been deleted, because it was considered spam, while the one who is the #...
Citiți mai multe

The Killer by Luc Jacamon 10 out of 10

  The Killer by Luc Jacamon 10 out of 10     Reading about killers, or watching the stupendous The Killer, with fabulous Michael Fassbinder in the leading role may seem like the wrong idea, in a world that has some nasty wars taking place in Ukraine, Gaza, Sudan, Myanmar, and the danger is that they might be expanding, as it is, Iran is attacking the USA, through its proxies Hezbollah, Houthis in Yemen (they have launched missiles) and militias in Iraq and Syria   It all depends on how good the author is, what the adaptation looks like, cast, director, you could have a magnum opus that is a crime story, such as Crime and Punishment http://realini.blogspot.com/2020/06/crime-and-punishment-by-fyodor.html by Fyodor Dostoyevsky - an algorithm has recently looked at various relevant compilations and established the 50 Greatest Novels and the story of Raskolnikov is on it, together with other astounding works, Marcel Proust is at number one The Killer starts...
Citiți mai multe

The Adventures of Ferdinand, Count Fathom by Tobias Smollett – included on The 1,000 Novels Everyone Must Read List http://poemeglume.blogspot.com/2023/04/1000-novels-everyone-must-read.html - 7 out of 10

  The Adventures of Ferdinand, Count Fathom by Tobias Smollett – included on The 1,000 Novels Everyone Must Read List http://poemeglume.blogspot.com/2023/04/1000-novels-everyone-must-read.html 7 out of 10     The Adventures of Ferdinand, Count Fathom was first published in 1753, which might mean that it is not for the tastes of readers from our times, not even middle aged ones, like yours truly (who is actually sixty in a couple of months, but like to adopt the ‘the sixties are the new forties’ slogan) who has abandoned this   Hence, the spoiler alert, warning, disclaimer to avoid being (again) censored for spam – though I did not get the inclusion in that category, a reading of the definition could help, but this being my note, until it is obliterated by the Goodreads staff, and then it will still be available at the new blog https://realinibarzoi.blogspot.com/ I say that spam is used for the unrequested messages we receive, meant to make us buy things ...
Citiți mai multe